I was a writer once...
Lately life has been crazy busy with holidays and all, compounded by the weather mania this month. It doesn't look like things are slowing down either-pretty much every Saturday in January is already booked, I'm going to be busy at work training a new teller, and I've got to get on the ball planning Life Together activities at church.
In the midst of all this, I agreed to write a piece for the new newsletter at church regarding said Life Together ministry. Something about why I'm involved, what the ministry is for, and why the name. The last one is kind of tricky-does everyone really want to know the torture that was (and continues to be) the name change? I think I'll give the abbreviated version of that.
Problem is, I'm finding that I am out of practice with writing a piece for publication. See, in college, I could pump out a 5 page literary analysis in about 3 hours. A 600 word newsletter blurb would have been a piece of cake. But now I can't seem to get it together. How do I start? Do I make it super funny, or a little bit heartfelt with a side of schmaltz? Do I talk more about the logistics of what we are doing, or my heart for community and relationship development? Sigh...too many choices, too many decisions. My writing machine is a little rusty.
I've decided that this blog is good because it at least keeps me in the habit of writing. It doesn't give me the challenge of writing on a specific topic for a certain audience, but it at least keeps me typing. Someday I do want to start writing for real, maybe even publish something. That's a long way off, but this situation is teaching me that I have to keep my skills sharp, whether it's journaling, blogging, or writing for the church newsletter.
Now to go work on that...
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Monday, December 18, 2006
Life together continues, boat or no boat!
It's amazing what happens when a modern society loses electricity for a few days. Insanity ensues, stores run out of ice and matches, and everyone forgets that when the stoplight is out, you treat it like a four-way stop.
This particular storm was frustrating to me personally for many reasons. Let me enumerate them for you:
1. My family lost power for three days. We are electric only, so not only was there no light, but also no heat and no hot water. This meant that my family sat around in an extremely cold house getting smelly. And I have four brothers. You can imagine.
2. My branch actually had power, so I had to go to work (without a shower, so I was already a little cranky). All the other branches south of me had no power, so guess where all those customers went? You guessed it: my branch. I've never seen it that busy. I didn't stop all day. It was also a payday Friday, so everybody and their mother wanted to cash a check. So I ran out of money. No kidding. People came up to cash $1,000 checks, and I offered them tens. I barely made it through the day.
3. My branch had planned a trip to Snoqualmie to go intertubing as a Christmas present from my boss. We've been planning this for weeks. Everyone was excited. I drove up to my boss' house Saturday morning, ready to go throw myself down a snowy hill, when my mom called and told me that the pass was closed. Sure enough, my boss tried to call the place, and the phones were out. No snow fun for us.
4. But most disappointing was Thursday night. See, I am now the co-leader of the ministry formerly known as the symbol of PCPF, aka Life Together. I know, I know, don't ask about the name situation. Anyway, we had tried to plan a cruise around Lake Washington in October, but due to miscommunication, the boat and captain of said boat did not show on the appointed night. So we rescheduled for this past Thursday, thinking that if we were going to freeze our arses off anyway, we might as well look at the pretty Christmas lights while doing it. Now, what do you think happens when the worst windstorm in the past couple of decades decides to hit Thursday night? Yep, cruise cancelled. Again. I'm starting to think this cruise thing is not such a good idea after all.
So, my weekend, which was full of great plans, was completely turned upside down. But if there is one thing I have learned these past few years, it is to be flexible, and look for the blessings that God has in the midst of a sucky situation. So, here are some blessings I can count from this weekend:
1. I got to break out all my fun, yummy-smelling candles and put them to good use.
2. We had family bonding time over tea, ramen (cooked over the campstove), and reading Swiss Family Robinson by aforementioned candlelight.
3. I was able to bum a shower off of my boss, who lives in Ballard and never lost power, and my staff all went out to breakfast and then bowling, and I actually got a couple of strikes.
4. I was still able to go to the Quest Christmas party, which is very special to me because it was my first Quest event. What is so great is that last year, I was the new girl, who got invited to a C group and found great community there, and this year, I met a new girl and got to invite her to the C group that I co-lead. Things do come full circle.
5. After C group, I was invited to hang with a good group of Questers and share a couple pitchers of beer and hard cider and some good conversation. I was also taken in by my good friend Tina, who always insists on making me sleep in her bed (while she suffers on the floor), even though I am the one crashing her place. So not only did I get another hot shower, but I also was able to sleep in a warm bed, instead of the ice tray I had slept in the night before.
6. Sunday I spent the entire day with my church community. I sang in the morning, and George brought out my favorite Christmas carol (What Child is This) and let me sing most of it. I busted out the first soprano pipes and my good friend Grace told me I sounded "angelic" (I think she is trying to butter me up for something, I don't know what yet). Samantha and Lindsey, two hostesses extraordinaire, had everyone over for homemade soup and fellowship after church. A group of us went for a walk, and I got to experience University Village for the first time (I may be a native, but there are still places I have not been and things I have not done in Seattle.
I love playing tourist in my hometown). I even got invited to go hang out with some ESL students and learn new Korean words. I can't remember them all now, but it was a lot of fun.
7. And last of all, when I got home after my awesome Sunday, the power was back, and my mom had prewarmed my room. This morning, I got a hot shower.
So really, my blessings far outweighed my frustrations. It was still an awesome, fun-filled weekend. I experienced community with myriad groups of people from Quest, was impressed with the outstanding hospitality of my friends, and got to see Pastor Eugene's face when he opened that stunted giraffe figurine (thank you Tre, that was priceless). I deepened existing relationships and began new ones. I ate good food, drank good drinks, and laughed a lot. So I guess the lesson is that every cloud has a silver lining, and every tree-toppling, cruise-cancelling, power-stopping windstorm has its blessings.
It's amazing what happens when a modern society loses electricity for a few days. Insanity ensues, stores run out of ice and matches, and everyone forgets that when the stoplight is out, you treat it like a four-way stop.
This particular storm was frustrating to me personally for many reasons. Let me enumerate them for you:
1. My family lost power for three days. We are electric only, so not only was there no light, but also no heat and no hot water. This meant that my family sat around in an extremely cold house getting smelly. And I have four brothers. You can imagine.
2. My branch actually had power, so I had to go to work (without a shower, so I was already a little cranky). All the other branches south of me had no power, so guess where all those customers went? You guessed it: my branch. I've never seen it that busy. I didn't stop all day. It was also a payday Friday, so everybody and their mother wanted to cash a check. So I ran out of money. No kidding. People came up to cash $1,000 checks, and I offered them tens. I barely made it through the day.
3. My branch had planned a trip to Snoqualmie to go intertubing as a Christmas present from my boss. We've been planning this for weeks. Everyone was excited. I drove up to my boss' house Saturday morning, ready to go throw myself down a snowy hill, when my mom called and told me that the pass was closed. Sure enough, my boss tried to call the place, and the phones were out. No snow fun for us.
4. But most disappointing was Thursday night. See, I am now the co-leader of the ministry formerly known as the symbol of PCPF, aka Life Together. I know, I know, don't ask about the name situation. Anyway, we had tried to plan a cruise around Lake Washington in October, but due to miscommunication, the boat and captain of said boat did not show on the appointed night. So we rescheduled for this past Thursday, thinking that if we were going to freeze our arses off anyway, we might as well look at the pretty Christmas lights while doing it. Now, what do you think happens when the worst windstorm in the past couple of decades decides to hit Thursday night? Yep, cruise cancelled. Again. I'm starting to think this cruise thing is not such a good idea after all.
So, my weekend, which was full of great plans, was completely turned upside down. But if there is one thing I have learned these past few years, it is to be flexible, and look for the blessings that God has in the midst of a sucky situation. So, here are some blessings I can count from this weekend:
1. I got to break out all my fun, yummy-smelling candles and put them to good use.
2. We had family bonding time over tea, ramen (cooked over the campstove), and reading Swiss Family Robinson by aforementioned candlelight.
3. I was able to bum a shower off of my boss, who lives in Ballard and never lost power, and my staff all went out to breakfast and then bowling, and I actually got a couple of strikes.
4. I was still able to go to the Quest Christmas party, which is very special to me because it was my first Quest event. What is so great is that last year, I was the new girl, who got invited to a C group and found great community there, and this year, I met a new girl and got to invite her to the C group that I co-lead. Things do come full circle.
5. After C group, I was invited to hang with a good group of Questers and share a couple pitchers of beer and hard cider and some good conversation. I was also taken in by my good friend Tina, who always insists on making me sleep in her bed (while she suffers on the floor), even though I am the one crashing her place. So not only did I get another hot shower, but I also was able to sleep in a warm bed, instead of the ice tray I had slept in the night before.
6. Sunday I spent the entire day with my church community. I sang in the morning, and George brought out my favorite Christmas carol (What Child is This) and let me sing most of it. I busted out the first soprano pipes and my good friend Grace told me I sounded "angelic" (I think she is trying to butter me up for something, I don't know what yet). Samantha and Lindsey, two hostesses extraordinaire, had everyone over for homemade soup and fellowship after church. A group of us went for a walk, and I got to experience University Village for the first time (I may be a native, but there are still places I have not been and things I have not done in Seattle.
I love playing tourist in my hometown). I even got invited to go hang out with some ESL students and learn new Korean words. I can't remember them all now, but it was a lot of fun.7. And last of all, when I got home after my awesome Sunday, the power was back, and my mom had prewarmed my room. This morning, I got a hot shower.
So really, my blessings far outweighed my frustrations. It was still an awesome, fun-filled weekend. I experienced community with myriad groups of people from Quest, was impressed with the outstanding hospitality of my friends, and got to see Pastor Eugene's face when he opened that stunted giraffe figurine (thank you Tre, that was priceless). I deepened existing relationships and began new ones. I ate good food, drank good drinks, and laughed a lot. So I guess the lesson is that every cloud has a silver lining, and every tree-toppling, cruise-cancelling, power-stopping windstorm has its blessings.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
"But for joy, all is well, even in the midst of specific suffering and loss." ~Dallas Willard
I had a great Thanksgiving holiday. I took the entire week off, spent a lot of time with family, friends, church events. Sure, there were a couple of things that could have marred the week, but I was strangely able to move past them and focus on the blessings in my life.
The past two weeks have been in direct contrast with that week. One thing after another has pulled me down: a mess at work to clean up, involving serious phone calls from my district operations manager (who I am trying to impress, considering I want a promotion from her); the stress of the snow and ice and the havoc that creates here in Seattle, causing a whole lot of staff to not show up for work; my manager coming down sick and leaving me with a pending file that was out of control; a drunk, angry, overdrawn customer yelling and screaming in my branch and telling me that not only am I racist, but also Satan; and to top it off, a good friend going through one of the worst things a person can go through. Enough stuff for me to email a group of girls from church to pray for me because I didn't have the emotional strength to get through another awful day.
It's amazing how life and circumstances can change so quickly. Talk about the emotional rollercoaster. But my friend and pastor Leah replied to my email for prayer with Psalm 77, reminding me that "what god is so great as our God?" (v13). I spent some time reading that night from Dallas Willard's Renovation of the Heart, a wonderful book that I have been trying to get through for a couple of months (I'm a fast reader, but you can't read Willard quickly, he's too thought-provoking). The section I happened to be on was entitled "Joy" in a chapter on transforming the mind and feelings. Willard reminded me that joy is not passive, that we don't just acheive joy and then we never have to struggle with circumstances or negative feelings ever again. Joy takes work: we must actively choose to focus on God's love and faithfulness and the reality of His overwhelming desire for our good, which overcomes all circumstances.
Weeks like these remind me how hopeless life would be without Jesus. I was frustrated enough with my situation, but so many people go through struggles more insanely difficult than any I have ever experienced. And the only thing that keeps me going is remembering the grace of God in my life and the lives of those around me. Remembering that He has brought me through tough things before, and I have grown as a result, grown in my ability to persevere, to hope, and to share that hope. So I will join Dallas Willard in praying Psalm 92:4: "For Thou, O Lord, hast made me glad by what Thou has done, I will sing for joy at the works of Thy hands."
I had a great Thanksgiving holiday. I took the entire week off, spent a lot of time with family, friends, church events. Sure, there were a couple of things that could have marred the week, but I was strangely able to move past them and focus on the blessings in my life.
The past two weeks have been in direct contrast with that week. One thing after another has pulled me down: a mess at work to clean up, involving serious phone calls from my district operations manager (who I am trying to impress, considering I want a promotion from her); the stress of the snow and ice and the havoc that creates here in Seattle, causing a whole lot of staff to not show up for work; my manager coming down sick and leaving me with a pending file that was out of control; a drunk, angry, overdrawn customer yelling and screaming in my branch and telling me that not only am I racist, but also Satan; and to top it off, a good friend going through one of the worst things a person can go through. Enough stuff for me to email a group of girls from church to pray for me because I didn't have the emotional strength to get through another awful day.
It's amazing how life and circumstances can change so quickly. Talk about the emotional rollercoaster. But my friend and pastor Leah replied to my email for prayer with Psalm 77, reminding me that "what god is so great as our God?" (v13). I spent some time reading that night from Dallas Willard's Renovation of the Heart, a wonderful book that I have been trying to get through for a couple of months (I'm a fast reader, but you can't read Willard quickly, he's too thought-provoking). The section I happened to be on was entitled "Joy" in a chapter on transforming the mind and feelings. Willard reminded me that joy is not passive, that we don't just acheive joy and then we never have to struggle with circumstances or negative feelings ever again. Joy takes work: we must actively choose to focus on God's love and faithfulness and the reality of His overwhelming desire for our good, which overcomes all circumstances.
Weeks like these remind me how hopeless life would be without Jesus. I was frustrated enough with my situation, but so many people go through struggles more insanely difficult than any I have ever experienced. And the only thing that keeps me going is remembering the grace of God in my life and the lives of those around me. Remembering that He has brought me through tough things before, and I have grown as a result, grown in my ability to persevere, to hope, and to share that hope. So I will join Dallas Willard in praying Psalm 92:4: "For Thou, O Lord, hast made me glad by what Thou has done, I will sing for joy at the works of Thy hands."
Friday, November 24, 2006
My mind cannot understand, but my heart feels wonder in abundant satisfaction." ~Unknown
I don't remember where I got that quote from but I love it. I've got it up on my wall right now and it perfectly expressed how I was feeling this Thanksgiving. For the past week I have been reflecting on how blessed I am, how wonderful my church is and the people there. Saturday I had the privilege of taking my dad and two of the brothers to serve Thanksgiving dinner with the homeless ministry at Quest. I was standing there, looking out at the cafe, which was full of people talking and eating and experiencing community, and I thought, "this is what church is supposed to be about."
On Thursday, I got to share my family and Thanksgiving dinner with Tina, who has quickly become my best friend at Quest. Actually, she's become one of my best friends, no qualifiers necessary. It was a great time, and I realized anew how awesome my clan is. We're a zany bunch, but not many people can boast the wise, loving parents and fun, crazy brothers I have. As I was laying in bed that night, I recalled how just a few short years ago I had a vision of sitting before God with empty hands, and Him handing me an empty basket, with the promise that He would be filling that basket with blessings. Well, the basket is getting pretty full, and I am grateful. So grateful.
I don't remember where I got that quote from but I love it. I've got it up on my wall right now and it perfectly expressed how I was feeling this Thanksgiving. For the past week I have been reflecting on how blessed I am, how wonderful my church is and the people there. Saturday I had the privilege of taking my dad and two of the brothers to serve Thanksgiving dinner with the homeless ministry at Quest. I was standing there, looking out at the cafe, which was full of people talking and eating and experiencing community, and I thought, "this is what church is supposed to be about."
On Thursday, I got to share my family and Thanksgiving dinner with Tina, who has quickly become my best friend at Quest. Actually, she's become one of my best friends, no qualifiers necessary. It was a great time, and I realized anew how awesome my clan is. We're a zany bunch, but not many people can boast the wise, loving parents and fun, crazy brothers I have. As I was laying in bed that night, I recalled how just a few short years ago I had a vision of sitting before God with empty hands, and Him handing me an empty basket, with the promise that He would be filling that basket with blessings. Well, the basket is getting pretty full, and I am grateful. So grateful.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Last night I went to Compline at St. Mark's. It was only my second time, and while I may not agree with St. Mark's or the Episcopal Church in many areas of theology and politics, I greatly enjoy this Sunday night service of Scripture and hymns sung ol-skool Gregorian style.
Frequently in my life, I go to a service wrestling with something, only to find that the chosen verse or song exactly addresses my issue. Perfectly apropos, the Psalm last night was Psalm 16, which has been a kind of theme for my life the past year. For your reading pleasure:
Psalm 16
Keep me safe, O God,
for in you I take refuge.
I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord;
apart from you I have no good thing."
As for the saints who are in the land,
they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight.
The sorrows of those will increase
who run after other gods.
I will not pour out their libations of blood
or take up their names on my lips.
LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
I have been blessed with so many good changes in my life the last couple of years, yet there are still areas of struggle, things I want, things I don't want. As a friend recently said, "when we overcome something that allows us to realize something else that needs lots of work" and this year has been like that for me. I try to walk that fine line between contentment and ambition, submitting my desires to God, but also clinging to the verse that says He will give us the desires of our hearts, and trying to understand exactly what that means. I put a quote up on my wall a couple of months ago, I think it is from Blue Like Jazz: "he who has God and everything else has no more that he who just has God." I can say that I wholeheartedly believe that statement, but living it out in my daily, worrying life can be more difficult.
The line that reads "I said to the LORD, 'You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.'" has become my mantra. This has been my weapon against discouragement, my strength when I am going for something and when I am letting something go. It brings some perspective when I get so focused on something that I forget to see the big picture. God's plan for my life is so much bigger and greater than I could ever imagine, but even if I never receive any of the blessings He has stored up for me, just the truth of His love for me is enough. The fact that He will never leave me or forsake me, no matter what anyone else does, is enough to keep me going. I may not always be happy about my circumstances, but I am blessed beyond comprehension because I am living in the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Frequently in my life, I go to a service wrestling with something, only to find that the chosen verse or song exactly addresses my issue. Perfectly apropos, the Psalm last night was Psalm 16, which has been a kind of theme for my life the past year. For your reading pleasure:
Psalm 16
Keep me safe, O God,
for in you I take refuge.
I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord;
apart from you I have no good thing."
As for the saints who are in the land,
they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight.
The sorrows of those will increase
who run after other gods.
I will not pour out their libations of blood
or take up their names on my lips.
LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
I have been blessed with so many good changes in my life the last couple of years, yet there are still areas of struggle, things I want, things I don't want. As a friend recently said, "when we overcome something that allows us to realize something else that needs lots of work" and this year has been like that for me. I try to walk that fine line between contentment and ambition, submitting my desires to God, but also clinging to the verse that says He will give us the desires of our hearts, and trying to understand exactly what that means. I put a quote up on my wall a couple of months ago, I think it is from Blue Like Jazz: "he who has God and everything else has no more that he who just has God." I can say that I wholeheartedly believe that statement, but living it out in my daily, worrying life can be more difficult.
The line that reads "I said to the LORD, 'You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.'" has become my mantra. This has been my weapon against discouragement, my strength when I am going for something and when I am letting something go. It brings some perspective when I get so focused on something that I forget to see the big picture. God's plan for my life is so much bigger and greater than I could ever imagine, but even if I never receive any of the blessings He has stored up for me, just the truth of His love for me is enough. The fact that He will never leave me or forsake me, no matter what anyone else does, is enough to keep me going. I may not always be happy about my circumstances, but I am blessed beyond comprehension because I am living in the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Monday, November 13, 2006
So this week was Social Justice Tradition week at C group. It was also election week, which we thought was quite apropos. We had a great discussion last Tuesday about welfare and justice and equality, all coming after a great set of sermons around faith and race. Funny thing is, I went to C group, and had great discussion, but I didn't vote.
Yep, that's right. I forfeited my rights as a citizen. I gave in to apathy and frustration and didn't plan ahead by getting an absentee ballot. I decided not to vote for the lesser of two evils. I allowed the political process to pass me by, railroad my personal views, and now I get to pay for it for another couple of years.
Sadly, I'm not that disturbed by it. Perhaps I have given up on politics, or more precisely, on politicians. I just don't hear of candidates that I can support wholeheartedly. I would rather not vote than vote for someone or something I don't believe in.
I've gone through many incarnations of my political self. I used to be your typical right-wing evangelical Christian, hopefully not as fanatical as some, but with definite fundamentalist leanings. I've grown up a lot these past few years, learned that life is, fortunately and unfortunately, not black and white, and the gray can be a hard and beautiful thing. But this makes my political positions rather unstable right now. Perhaps my unwillingness to choose a candidate is a symptom of my own insecurity. I'm still thinking and praying and wrestling through what I believe about issues like welfare and the environment and how we figure our way out of war and into peace when there are people who don't have a conviction problem flying themselves into buildings.
I'm hoping that by the time 2008 elections roll around, I will have had time to wrestle with these things. Time to draw conclusions. Time to sign up for that absentee ballot. And I'll hopefully fill that ballot out with a clear conscience, and the belief that my small voice is making a difference in this messed up political world of ours.
Yep, that's right. I forfeited my rights as a citizen. I gave in to apathy and frustration and didn't plan ahead by getting an absentee ballot. I decided not to vote for the lesser of two evils. I allowed the political process to pass me by, railroad my personal views, and now I get to pay for it for another couple of years.
Sadly, I'm not that disturbed by it. Perhaps I have given up on politics, or more precisely, on politicians. I just don't hear of candidates that I can support wholeheartedly. I would rather not vote than vote for someone or something I don't believe in.
I've gone through many incarnations of my political self. I used to be your typical right-wing evangelical Christian, hopefully not as fanatical as some, but with definite fundamentalist leanings. I've grown up a lot these past few years, learned that life is, fortunately and unfortunately, not black and white, and the gray can be a hard and beautiful thing. But this makes my political positions rather unstable right now. Perhaps my unwillingness to choose a candidate is a symptom of my own insecurity. I'm still thinking and praying and wrestling through what I believe about issues like welfare and the environment and how we figure our way out of war and into peace when there are people who don't have a conviction problem flying themselves into buildings.
I'm hoping that by the time 2008 elections roll around, I will have had time to wrestle with these things. Time to draw conclusions. Time to sign up for that absentee ballot. And I'll hopefully fill that ballot out with a clear conscience, and the belief that my small voice is making a difference in this messed up political world of ours.
Monday, November 06, 2006
One of the reasons I started this blog was to comment on my C group experiences. This year I have the privilege of co-leading the Renovare group in Greenlake. We are studying the different spiritual traditions of Christianity in order to learn more about Christ and challenge our own personal religious comfort zones.
This week we have been studying the Charismatic Tradition of the church. Now, I have always considered myself very charismatic in my spiritual practice--I grew up in a church denomination that grew out of the Pentecostal revivals and I'm probably one of the most demonstrative people in worship at Quest (you may have seen me dancing around on stage). But I have realized this week how little I actually seek after and listen to the Holy Spirit in my daily life. Yes, I make a big show of it on Sundays, but when the rubber hits the road, I go about my day never stopping to ask the Lord to guide me. I make my own decisions, lead my own life, never submit at all.
This is a humbling realization. As much as I say I love God and am following Him, does my life really reflect my desire to be led by the Spirit of God? Not really.
A few years ago, I would have been completely depressed by this discovery. I have always seen the process of sanctification as something I had to do, that holiness had to be earned. But in the last couple of years I have learned that God is the only one who can change me. I don't have the strength to change myself. So my prayer this week is that God would be speaking to me, even when I have trouble listening, that His song would be over my life, and that he would train my ear to hear His tune.
This week we have been studying the Charismatic Tradition of the church. Now, I have always considered myself very charismatic in my spiritual practice--I grew up in a church denomination that grew out of the Pentecostal revivals and I'm probably one of the most demonstrative people in worship at Quest (you may have seen me dancing around on stage). But I have realized this week how little I actually seek after and listen to the Holy Spirit in my daily life. Yes, I make a big show of it on Sundays, but when the rubber hits the road, I go about my day never stopping to ask the Lord to guide me. I make my own decisions, lead my own life, never submit at all.
This is a humbling realization. As much as I say I love God and am following Him, does my life really reflect my desire to be led by the Spirit of God? Not really.
A few years ago, I would have been completely depressed by this discovery. I have always seen the process of sanctification as something I had to do, that holiness had to be earned. But in the last couple of years I have learned that God is the only one who can change me. I don't have the strength to change myself. So my prayer this week is that God would be speaking to me, even when I have trouble listening, that His song would be over my life, and that he would train my ear to hear His tune.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
I have to admit, I love surveys, personality tests, funny sets of random questions, you name it. Love reading them, love answering them. So I can't resist posting the following survey, from my good friend Johnny 5, who can always be counted on to provide a funny survey.
Who was the last person ....
1. You hung out with? Besides the fam? my C group
2. Rode in a car with? Matt Schaar
3. Went to the movies with? Don't remember...I think I went by myself.
4. Went to the mall with? Tenae. Just like old times.
5. You talked on the phone to? I talk to people on the phone all day at work.
6. Made you laugh? My dad
7.Last person you told and/or they told you they loved you? ummm...my brother. He helped me defrost my car.
W O U L D . Y O U . R A T H E R?
1. Pierce your nose or tongue? Neither
2. Be serious or be funny? I like to be funny, but seriousness is useful too
3. Drink whole or skim milk? 1%
4. Die in a fire or get shot? Shot, for sure. Burning to death does not sound fun
5. Spend time with your parents or enemies? I love my parents. They're awesome.
A N S W E R. T R U T H F U L L Y...
1. Do you like anyone? I like lots of people. Oh, you meant in that certain romantic sense....if you don't know already, I'm not telling you.
2. Sun or moon? Both have their appeal.
3. Winter or Fall? Fall
4. left or right? Why?
5. 10 acquaintances or two best friends? I've lived for most of my life with the 2 best friends situation, and I wouldn't trade those relationships for all the acquaintances in the world.
6. Sunny or rainy? While the sun is lovely, I actually like the rain...good thing I live in Seattle
7. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? triple chocolate
A B O U T . Y O U...
1. What time is it? downtime
2. First Name?: Rebecca (although I have been called other things)
3. Where do you wanna live? Seattle, preferably in the Queen Anne/Ballard/Fremont/Wallingford area
4. How many kids do you want? 3-5
5. Do you want to get married? definitely...I want those kids, remember?
6. Current mood? glad to be home after a weird day.
IN . THE. LAST. 48 HOURS. HAVE. YOU...
1. Sang? I am always singing
2. been hugged? yep
3. Felt stupid? unfortunately
4. Missed someone? yes
5. Danced Crazy? Not in the last 48 hours, but recently
6. Gotten your hair cut? no
7. Cried? no
8. Lied? I hope not
So, there you go. A little fun cross-section of things about me. I'd love to hear from you.
Monday, October 30, 2006
So, I have finally succumbed to this whole blogging thing. Having read and enjoyed friends' blogs, I figure if I get on the bandwagon, I may be able to entertain. Than again, perhaps no one will ever read my blog. Still, it can be advantageous to try new things, so you might as well throw something up against the wall and see if it sticks. I suppose I'm getting more adventurous in my old age.
Speaking of old age, today my teller Jasmeet criticized my new shoes for being too conservative. She said they looked like "28 year old shoes" and that I should be dressing like the 24 year old that I am. I don't really know what that means. Do 28 year olds wear 2 inch heels while 24 year olds wear 4 inch heels? I admit that while I love clothes and shoes (and perhaps spend too much money on both), I am no fashion maven, and I prefer simple, modest clothing, especially for work. I just feel more comfortable that way, and dressing professionally has helped me overcome the immediate prejudice against my age that I encounter at work. I can't tell you how many times I have had to bite my tongue while explaining to a customer that while my banker is both male and older than me, I am his boss and if the customer wants help, he's going to have to talk nice to this twenty-something chick at the big desk.
Yes, it bothers me when people guess my age as being so much older than I actually am. The worst was when I was 22, and someone actually said to me, "wow! I thought you were thirty two". Thirty two! I just about decked him. I do not look that old! And I am just as fun loving as your average 24 year old. But I will not dress up in a halter top and miniskirt just because Jasmeet says it's age appropriate. Frankly, although I have lost fifty pounds over the last two years, halter tops are still not appropriate on me. Probably never will be. And I am ok with that.
Speaking of old age, today my teller Jasmeet criticized my new shoes for being too conservative. She said they looked like "28 year old shoes" and that I should be dressing like the 24 year old that I am. I don't really know what that means. Do 28 year olds wear 2 inch heels while 24 year olds wear 4 inch heels? I admit that while I love clothes and shoes (and perhaps spend too much money on both), I am no fashion maven, and I prefer simple, modest clothing, especially for work. I just feel more comfortable that way, and dressing professionally has helped me overcome the immediate prejudice against my age that I encounter at work. I can't tell you how many times I have had to bite my tongue while explaining to a customer that while my banker is both male and older than me, I am his boss and if the customer wants help, he's going to have to talk nice to this twenty-something chick at the big desk.
Yes, it bothers me when people guess my age as being so much older than I actually am. The worst was when I was 22, and someone actually said to me, "wow! I thought you were thirty two". Thirty two! I just about decked him. I do not look that old! And I am just as fun loving as your average 24 year old. But I will not dress up in a halter top and miniskirt just because Jasmeet says it's age appropriate. Frankly, although I have lost fifty pounds over the last two years, halter tops are still not appropriate on me. Probably never will be. And I am ok with that.
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