One of the reasons I started this blog was to comment on my C group experiences. This year I have the privilege of co-leading the Renovare group in Greenlake. We are studying the different spiritual traditions of Christianity in order to learn more about Christ and challenge our own personal religious comfort zones.
This week we have been studying the Charismatic Tradition of the church. Now, I have always considered myself very charismatic in my spiritual practice--I grew up in a church denomination that grew out of the Pentecostal revivals and I'm probably one of the most demonstrative people in worship at Quest (you may have seen me dancing around on stage). But I have realized this week how little I actually seek after and listen to the Holy Spirit in my daily life. Yes, I make a big show of it on Sundays, but when the rubber hits the road, I go about my day never stopping to ask the Lord to guide me. I make my own decisions, lead my own life, never submit at all.
This is a humbling realization. As much as I say I love God and am following Him, does my life really reflect my desire to be led by the Spirit of God? Not really.
A few years ago, I would have been completely depressed by this discovery. I have always seen the process of sanctification as something I had to do, that holiness had to be earned. But in the last couple of years I have learned that God is the only one who can change me. I don't have the strength to change myself. So my prayer this week is that God would be speaking to me, even when I have trouble listening, that His song would be over my life, and that he would train my ear to hear His tune.