Wedding is eight weeks from tomorrow, and last night was probably my first big stressed-out moment.
It didn't last long-I just needed to take a few hours break from all the planning and tasks to just relax with Jer and enjoy his company. I think wedding-planning Sabbaths are probably a very good idea, as it can be waaayyy too easy to let the planning consume every waking moment.
But last night I was sitting there looking at the huge pile of invitations, glad that the corrected ones finally arrived but realizing that 1) I was a week behind on the addressing/mailing and 2) our guest list has somehow swelled to 405 people in the past two weeks.
405 people! At the beginning of the process, I thought that we would be inviting around 250, with maybe 150 showing up. But between out of town relatives and long lost business associates and very important people we forgot to put on the list, the google doc has grown to gargantuan proportions. And so now I have that doc following me around town whispering in my ear: "you won't have enough chairs! You won't have enough money for food! People will be disappointed in you!"
The last one, is, of course, a familiar sound. Disappointing people is a huge lifelong fear that I battle constantly, something that requires a lot of diligent prayer. And of course, while your wedding is all about you and your future spouse, it is also a huge opportunity for the worry of 'what people will think' to come knocking on your door. I mean, even the way you address the invitations is subject for debate-do you say Mr. and Mrs. John Doe or Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe? Do you go formal or informal on the inner envelope? Will cousin so-and-so be offended if you refer to him by his full name instead of his nickname? Or will he be offended by writing it the other way around?
I know these are petty fears, but it is so very easy to let them build up and send you spiraling down into the depths of despair. And so you need to regularly pull yourself out of the wedding mania and take a good look at reality and remind yourself that ultimately, cousin so-and-so will just recycle the envelope, Jane Doe will get over it, and if your coworker only gets three hors d'oeuvres instead of four he will still survive. In the end, this day is going to be focused on you and your covenant with each other and God, not the show you put on. Just have to keep that perspective.
And remember to breathe.
PS: We started a wedding website! There are still a lot of missing pieces to it, but you can check it out here. I am personally very proud of my bridesmaid descriptions. :-)
Friday, August 28, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Countdown: 66:01:59:24
I love iGoogle, with the customizable home page and gadgets. Current favorite gadget is, of course, the countdown, which is ticking off the time until 2pm October 24th-when I will be walking down the aisle.
66 days. It seems like forever and it seems like tomorrow. I want to be married NOW, but I also have a lot to do to make the wedding happen!
People keep telling me I have a lot done, but I still feel that there is a ton to do. But as I mentioned before, I don't like having a list hanging over my head, so until everything is done, I won't feel completely at ease. Still, I have made a lot of progress:
Checked off list:
Still needs work:
Completely not done and a source of possible stress:
And of course, there are all the things that I have probably not even thought of and need to have on the list. Oof. But hey, it will all be worth it. The important things are done-we have a place, a pastor, and each other. No matter what happens, in 66 days I will be getting married, whether there are flowers or not!
66 days. It seems like forever and it seems like tomorrow. I want to be married NOW, but I also have a lot to do to make the wedding happen!
People keep telling me I have a lot done, but I still feel that there is a ton to do. But as I mentioned before, I don't like having a list hanging over my head, so until everything is done, I won't feel completely at ease. Still, I have made a lot of progress:
Checked off list:
- dress purchased
- location for ceremony and reception reserved
- tuxes chosen
- bridesmaid dresses chosen and ordered
- pastor confirmed
- photographer chosen
- chef friend agreed to do food
- engagement party planned
- rehearsal dinner planned
- invitations ordered
- stores chosen for registry
Still needs work:
- guest list almost done-missing some addresses
- dress alterations (want to lose some weight first!)
- actually registering-going shopping this weekend!
- decide on menu for reception
- recruited friends to help with decorating, but no details decided on
- fabulous processional music being composed by wonderful family friend
- still short a groomsman!
Completely not done and a source of possible stress:
- invitations not mailed-and need to be mailed by Aug 24th, a mere four days after they arrive at my door (if UPS is on time)
- florist not chosen (although I know what colors and types of flowers I want)
- cake (still waiting to hear if a friend can help with it)
- premarital counseling
- Jer's ring (we've gone and looked once, but have made no decisions)
- reception music (to DJ or not to DJ, that is the question)
- wedding program (both the flow of service and the actual paper thing to be handed out)
- honeymoon
And of course, there are all the things that I have probably not even thought of and need to have on the list. Oof. But hey, it will all be worth it. The important things are done-we have a place, a pastor, and each other. No matter what happens, in 66 days I will be getting married, whether there are flowers or not!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Say What?
I'm getting kid of tired of all these pundits and articles proclaiming that the recession is over. Seriously dudes. The economic factors might be stabilizing, for the moment, but that does not mean that the reality of financial trouble has left the streets. With an unemployment rate near 10%, rising foreclosures as moratoriums run out, and a fresh crop of bad retail numbers, our economy is just as bad as ever.
The problem is, if we fuel another big market bubble with false optimism, we're no better off than we were in 2006. We can tell each other all day that now is the time to buy, that this time it will be different, etc. etc. etc. but at the end of the day, if we don't change the fundamentals of how our economy operates, we will have another bust. Another dot-bomb. Another housing bubble popped on our face like so much Dubble Bubble. Another credit crunch squeezing the air out of our country's lungs.
People, if we continue to spend more than we earn, if we live enslaved to debt, if we don't save for emergencies, let alone for future goals, what do we expect? Do we think that our economy can continue growing when seventy-something percent of our economy is based on consumer spending, and that spending is based on debt? And don't even get me started on the trillions of dollars in national debt that we have created as a result of the fiscal stimulus packages in the past two years. I'm mad at Bush and Obama and all the members of congress that pushed for that.
Now is the time to honestly assess how our culture operates financially. Now is the time to put money into small business and innovation-where actual job growth is created-not keep pouring funds into big banks that will continue to cut more jobs as they tighten their expense ratios. Now is when we reevaluate our personal budgets and our national budget and try to make them match our priorities. But instead we tell people that the recession is over, that they should buy more cars, more houses, more stocks.
If there is another bubble, another meltdown, another once-in-a-lifetime market collapse in a year or two or three, I won't be surprised. In the meantime, I'll be saving and paying off debt, thank you very much.
The problem is, if we fuel another big market bubble with false optimism, we're no better off than we were in 2006. We can tell each other all day that now is the time to buy, that this time it will be different, etc. etc. etc. but at the end of the day, if we don't change the fundamentals of how our economy operates, we will have another bust. Another dot-bomb. Another housing bubble popped on our face like so much Dubble Bubble. Another credit crunch squeezing the air out of our country's lungs.
People, if we continue to spend more than we earn, if we live enslaved to debt, if we don't save for emergencies, let alone for future goals, what do we expect? Do we think that our economy can continue growing when seventy-something percent of our economy is based on consumer spending, and that spending is based on debt? And don't even get me started on the trillions of dollars in national debt that we have created as a result of the fiscal stimulus packages in the past two years. I'm mad at Bush and Obama and all the members of congress that pushed for that.
Now is the time to honestly assess how our culture operates financially. Now is the time to put money into small business and innovation-where actual job growth is created-not keep pouring funds into big banks that will continue to cut more jobs as they tighten their expense ratios. Now is when we reevaluate our personal budgets and our national budget and try to make them match our priorities. But instead we tell people that the recession is over, that they should buy more cars, more houses, more stocks.
If there is another bubble, another meltdown, another once-in-a-lifetime market collapse in a year or two or three, I won't be surprised. In the meantime, I'll be saving and paying off debt, thank you very much.
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
When love doesn't feel like enough
I had the great privilege this week of ministering to a good friend and colleague at work. It is always an honor and a burden when someone brings their questions about God and faith to you, but I was blessed to be asked for my perspective and prayer.
J is one of my best friends at work. We've had great discussions across the aisle and over lunch about God, life, and the insanity of the stock market. While I can't say I know the finer points of her theology, I know that she loves God and loves people, and seeks peace and righteousness. She is usually the eternal optimist and has the best attitude of anyone at work.
So it broke my heart to see her optimism fading and her faith weakened. While I was on vacation there was a brutal rape and murder in south Seattle. This horrific crime rocked her to her core, she said, not because she knew the victims but because she was just struck by the senselessness of it all. She asked the questions we all ask in these situations: how could God let such a thing happen? Where is His love and justice? How can we go on living our normal lives when these things can occur?
She told me that she spent a lot of time in prayer and just felt empty silence. She asked if I had an answer, something that makes sense of it all, that would stop the endless questions in her mind.
What do you say to that? There are no pat answers, no truisms, no oft-quoted verse about all things working together for good that will satisfy a heart aching and broken in response to brutality. Scripture, while powerful and good, can fall flat on the ears of one whose heart has lost faith in the goodness of God's creation.
I prayed as she shared with me, that I would speak with the words from the Spirit, that He would minister to her through me. I thought about the times when I was hopeless, the darkest moments of my depression years ago, when the only thing I could cling to was God.
And there in that moment I knew that the only answer that I had, the only answer any of us has, if the overwhelming love of God. I told her that I didn't have an easy solution, that no one in the world will. I told her about this week's sermon, which was about prayer that is unanswered and the sufficiency of God's grace, about how we must not only rest in His sovereignty, the fact that He is in control, but also that His grace, His love, is enough to sustain us and make all things new. I told her about when my mom died and the struggles that my dad went through. I told her to watch the video of John Mark McMillan sharing his song 'How He Loves Us', because in the end, the fact that God loves us is enough. Even when the world makes no sense, and bad things happen to good people, His love is enough. I told her to read The Shack for a perspective on God in the face of extreme grief. I prayed with her, there in the cafeteria, for peace and love to comfort her, that her heart would remain soft but that she would be rooted in Him.
I'm still a little overwhelmed by the conversation and the opportunity to speak into someone's life when they needed a word from God, to be able to share truth that I have been comforted by in the past. And it's just like God that the sermon this past Sunday was related, and I have been listening to 'How He Loves Us' all week long and thinking about how sufficient that love is, how all the blessings in this life-salvation, family, community, life and health, even just that we live here and now-they are all superfluous to the amazing blessing of His love.
It was a night many years ago, as I was praying through my depression and hopelessness, that I first came to that realization that God's love was sufficient. That even if nothing ever went right ever again, that even if I was alone and lonely in this world, that even if there was nothing on the other side of this life, that His love was enough. That the truth that He loved me was more than enough. And I knew it in the depths of my heart and soul, knew that indeed, nothing can separate us from the love of God. And in that moment, the Spirit of God spoke to my spirit, and I was able to let go of my questions, my pain and anger and sorrow that I had been holding onto because of my circumstances. I knew peace.
It's hard to live in that peace, in that place of acceptance and reliance on God's love. Sometimes love doesn't feel like enough, and all you want is answers, something concrete and rational to hold onto. We can acknowledge that our God is a mysterious God, and His ways are not our ways, and our vision is limited and cloudy, but knowing this doesn't take away our pain. So when things don't make sense, holding on to the truth that He loves us, that He loves those who are victims, that He even in His greatness loves those who are perpetrators, and that He desires justice and reconciliation-this is all we have. When all else fails, we can only seek the Spirit of God, and rest in His love. And somehow, it is sufficient.
J is one of my best friends at work. We've had great discussions across the aisle and over lunch about God, life, and the insanity of the stock market. While I can't say I know the finer points of her theology, I know that she loves God and loves people, and seeks peace and righteousness. She is usually the eternal optimist and has the best attitude of anyone at work.
So it broke my heart to see her optimism fading and her faith weakened. While I was on vacation there was a brutal rape and murder in south Seattle. This horrific crime rocked her to her core, she said, not because she knew the victims but because she was just struck by the senselessness of it all. She asked the questions we all ask in these situations: how could God let such a thing happen? Where is His love and justice? How can we go on living our normal lives when these things can occur?
She told me that she spent a lot of time in prayer and just felt empty silence. She asked if I had an answer, something that makes sense of it all, that would stop the endless questions in her mind.
What do you say to that? There are no pat answers, no truisms, no oft-quoted verse about all things working together for good that will satisfy a heart aching and broken in response to brutality. Scripture, while powerful and good, can fall flat on the ears of one whose heart has lost faith in the goodness of God's creation.
I prayed as she shared with me, that I would speak with the words from the Spirit, that He would minister to her through me. I thought about the times when I was hopeless, the darkest moments of my depression years ago, when the only thing I could cling to was God.
And there in that moment I knew that the only answer that I had, the only answer any of us has, if the overwhelming love of God. I told her that I didn't have an easy solution, that no one in the world will. I told her about this week's sermon, which was about prayer that is unanswered and the sufficiency of God's grace, about how we must not only rest in His sovereignty, the fact that He is in control, but also that His grace, His love, is enough to sustain us and make all things new. I told her about when my mom died and the struggles that my dad went through. I told her to watch the video of John Mark McMillan sharing his song 'How He Loves Us', because in the end, the fact that God loves us is enough. Even when the world makes no sense, and bad things happen to good people, His love is enough. I told her to read The Shack for a perspective on God in the face of extreme grief. I prayed with her, there in the cafeteria, for peace and love to comfort her, that her heart would remain soft but that she would be rooted in Him.
I'm still a little overwhelmed by the conversation and the opportunity to speak into someone's life when they needed a word from God, to be able to share truth that I have been comforted by in the past. And it's just like God that the sermon this past Sunday was related, and I have been listening to 'How He Loves Us' all week long and thinking about how sufficient that love is, how all the blessings in this life-salvation, family, community, life and health, even just that we live here and now-they are all superfluous to the amazing blessing of His love.
It was a night many years ago, as I was praying through my depression and hopelessness, that I first came to that realization that God's love was sufficient. That even if nothing ever went right ever again, that even if I was alone and lonely in this world, that even if there was nothing on the other side of this life, that His love was enough. That the truth that He loved me was more than enough. And I knew it in the depths of my heart and soul, knew that indeed, nothing can separate us from the love of God. And in that moment, the Spirit of God spoke to my spirit, and I was able to let go of my questions, my pain and anger and sorrow that I had been holding onto because of my circumstances. I knew peace.
It's hard to live in that peace, in that place of acceptance and reliance on God's love. Sometimes love doesn't feel like enough, and all you want is answers, something concrete and rational to hold onto. We can acknowledge that our God is a mysterious God, and His ways are not our ways, and our vision is limited and cloudy, but knowing this doesn't take away our pain. So when things don't make sense, holding on to the truth that He loves us, that He loves those who are victims, that He even in His greatness loves those who are perpetrators, and that He desires justice and reconciliation-this is all we have. When all else fails, we can only seek the Spirit of God, and rest in His love. And somehow, it is sufficient.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
