Haven't been blogging much lately. Been too busy getting to know this fabulous guy named Jeremy.
But today I found out that the site filters at LUBI are no longer blocking my blog, so I can write on my lunch hour. This bodes well for more frequent updates.
So, first update would have to be on the relationship status, I suppose. Facebook friends have seen the constant stream of "I'm incandescently happy" status updates and some Superpoke PDA, but what is really going on?
Well, I am in love. Really, truly, in love, beyond anything I have ever known before.
I was chatting with my college roommate Hilary, who married the love of her life three years ago this month, about how she felt when she fell in love with her husband. She said that all of her preconceived notions about what she wanted in a guy were dashed when she met Jon. She didn't know that there was a man like him, that guys like him existed. If she had known, then he is exactly what she would have wished for. He is everything she never knew she wanted or needed.
And that is how I feel about Jer. I'm constantly amazed at the ways that we fit together, the things about him that make him just perfect for me. He is kind, generous, intelligent, and outgoing. He is young at heart but not immature, hilarious and fun-loving but not irresponsible. We share viewpoints on politics, religion, money, childrearing, and a whole host of other important and unimportant topics, including the crucial one: a mutual love of science fiction. We are both very different and very much the same, complementing each other and finding acres and acres of common ground. He makes me laugh, he makes me smile, and he makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.
But beyond the personality and compatibility questions, the most important thing is that he loves Jesus more than anyone or anything in the whole entire world. When he talks about God or Scripture or the Holy Spirit, he comes alive, and I realize that the most attractive thing about a guy is his commitment to being a disciple of Christ.
So, all that to say, things are going very well. I'm still amazed at how God works. I was perusing some old blog posts and journal entries and found myself bowled over by how God has been leading me on the path to meet this man. Two years ago in my quiet times with God I started to get these verses in Isaiah about change, about the Lord doing new things, about streams in the wilderness. Since then I've experienced a lot of growth and healing, including the amazing reconciliations of last year. I've been finding out what it means to be me and pursuing freedom from the anxiety that has plagued me for years and this past Lent came to a real place of contentment and stillness before God. This journey has brought me to a place where I feel the most at peace, the most myself, than I have ever felt.
I've always been told that God doesn't bring you the man of your dreams until you are first at peace with yourself and being single. I always laughed and said that I would never be able to give up that desire for a relationship, would never be okay with being single, so God must have a different plan for me. But apparently I was wrong. Because back there in March I literally wrote in my journal that I wanted nothing but God's will, that my hope was in God and not in the fulfillment of my dreams, that Jesus was more than enough. I wrote that I would be still and know that He is God.
And less than a week later, He introduced me to Jer.
I never gave up my desires and dreams, but I learned to let God hold them, and to live in contentment. I still love the definition of contentment that Dr. Spencer shared at last year's Life Together retreat: "contentment is the hope that frees us to live an unsatisfied life in a satisfying way." Finding that place of contentment is kind of like pursuing humility: you can't really try for it, you just have to live it. You have to focus on God more than anything else and allow Him to change your heart. You'll never be okay with being single by trying to be okay being single. Trust me, I tried. The only prayer that works is that of the father in Mark 9:24: "I believe, help my unbelief!"
I prayed that prayer, and He was faithful.
Even in the midst of this amazing blessing, I realize that life is still life, and there will be many times in the future when I will have to pray that prayer again and again and remind myself that God's faithfulness and love know no bounds. But for now, in this season, I will continue to update my status with statements like, "Rebecca is amazed at the goodness of God and the awesomeness of her boyfriend."
Groan as much as you want, you can't steal my happiness!