Lauren Winner Conference, or, My Life As a Chauffeur

I had been looking forward to the Lauren Winner Learning Conference at Quest for a long long time. Ever since the idea first came up over two years ago. Finally, this month, she came, and as I told everyone around me for several weeks prior, I got to be her chauffeur.

It's very interesting having an author that you love and have always slightly idolized in the passenger seat of your car. Or knowing that she has your cell phone number. Or taking her to QFC to buy Airborne. Random normal things that are made completely not normal by the presence of a person you never thought you would meet, let alone share meals and jokes with.

I try to never be the overeager fan, although I am still a little giddy about the inscription in the front of my copy of Girl Meets God. But it was humbling to find that Lauren was just a person seeking to share her faith and learning with others, that she wanted my feedback after her talks, that she would share a bit of her life with me and ask about mine. I don't expect her to call my cell phone anytime soon, although it might be fun to catch up with her next year when I am in North Carolina.

But enough about me and my "meeting my idol" experience. You want to hear about the conference itself. It was the perfect conclusion to our Faith & Gender class: Lauren said some of the same things we had all been struggling to say, but in a much more elegant, learned way. My friend Randall commented on the plethora of "big words" she used: words that we rarely use in conversation (despite our often-touted reputation as highly-educated Seattleites). Lauren herself commented on how intellectual the audience questions were. But beyond the deep analysis of issues of faith and gender, she communicated truth about God, community, and how we should be living as people of God.

I took copious notes throughout the weekend, scribbling furiously in the notebook that I had used to take notes while reading Girl Meets God. Here are some excerpts from what struck me on Friday night:

"We always think of difference in terms of violence, heirarchy, domination. The Trinity models difference without heirarchy, community without violence."

"Love, not as emotion, but as a call to participate in a common vision"

"When we talk about mutual submission we are not talking politically. We are talking about a relationship where both people involved are changed."

"The picture of the Trinity reminds us of our fundamental incompleteness. Our gender should be a reminder of our need for each other, not a way to dominate each other."

"By being here, with you and different from you, I allow you to be more yourself and me to be more myself."

"We have taken the story from capitalism that men need to find their identity in their work outside the home and women are relegated to domestic life."

"In our culture, when we find a biological reality, that ends the conversation instead of starting the conversation on how to handle and manage these realities.

And from Saturday morning:

"What if we made looking at women in the church as normal and important as studying men and male disciples in the church?"

"The story of Mary: How an impoverished Jewish peasant girl became an international superstar."

"Mary prompts us to ask ourselves how we expect God to act in our lives."

"When Jesus weeps, He's not getting in touch with His feminine
side, He's getting in touch with His humanity."

"In an eschatalogical reality, singleness trumps marriage. The tie that persists is that of baptism, our lives as brothers and sisters."

"You're not 'waiting' you are conforming your body to what the Spirit is doing in your life right now."

"We are going to be seated together at the heavenly banquet, so we should start reconciliation now."

So much good stuff! So much depth, so much to think about. If you didn't make it to the conference, I hear that the recordings will be available on the Quest website soon, so you should check them out. Be challenged.

All in all, the work put into this depth class and conference and the words of our pastors, leaders, and Lauren have all made a huge impact on how I view myself as a woman, a Christian, and a servant in the church. I'm grateful for the opportunity and hope to continue the conversations and the consideration of all that was said.

Faith & Gender: Gossip, Sex, and the DTR

It has been an interesting three months of preparation, research, and teaching for this Faith & Gender class and Lauren Winner Conference. The possibility of having Lauren Winner come out for a learning conference has been tossed around for a couple of years now, and from the very beginning I spoke up to say I wanted to be part of it. Admittedly, this was because I was a major fan of Lauren Winner's writing. Her book, Girl Meets God, was one of the more impactful books on my spiritual development over the past few years.


When we started to put together the depth class, however, I felt completely in over my head. How was I supposed to teach on the theology of Faith & Gender? I certainly didn't have a good story to tell or any answers to give. I was still confused on what it meant to be a woman, a leader, and a Christian all at the same time. Every week at our planning meeting I felt like I had more questions than ideas, more uncertainties than conclusions. Everyone else seemed so well versed on the subject, and I felt like the farthest thing from an expert as you could get.


At the beginning of our work, I still wasn't sure what I believed about women in leadership and marriage roles and sexuality, all these things that I was supposed to teach on. These are issues that I will probably never stop turning over in my mind and heart and searching the Scriptures on. But somehow in the process of trying to find answers that I could share with my fellow Questers, I found myself coming to a few conclusions that have given me a clearer sense of self, a confidence in the validity of my place as a leader in the church, and a renewed passion for God's justice.


A few things I have discovered or concluded:

1. Being a good Christian woman does not mean you can't be a leader: I was told for so long, directly and indirectly, that in order to be a good Christian woman, I needed to learn how to not be a leader. This went against everything I felt in my spirit about who God made me to be. Now I feel confident that I can honor God and my fellow believers, both male and female, while embracing the gifts and callings that I feel God has given me.
   
2. Submission in marriage is a good thing, a Biblical thing, but that doesn't mean you have to be a dominated pushover: Submission comes from a place of strength; it is a choice of the woman, not a forced subjection by the man. And submission doesn't mean you lose your voice. The Bible never says "Husbands, lead your wives."
   
3. Furthermore, the prescription for marital submission does not mean that I should be forced to be submissive in my dating relationships or any other relationship with a man, other than the call to "submit to one another out of reverence for Christ". The call to submission for the woman (and the corresponding call for the man to sacrifice and love as Christ loved the church) comes from marriage vows.
   
4. There is no one definition of masculine or feminine: God has made us each unique, and accordingly, we all have strengths and weaknesses. In a relationship, each person will take on different duties and roles based on their talents and how they work together as two becoming one.
   
5. Despite all this talk about marriage, it is not the end-all be-all of human existence and I should not be looked at as half a person because I am a single female over (just barely) the age of twenty-five. While I may feel called to marriage, it should not be the only thing about me that people ask about, or the only thing I base my worth and identity on.
   
6. You can be a committed evangelical with a high view of Scripture, who believes in submission in marriage, and also wholeheartedly support women at every level of church leadership, including pastors and elders.
   
7. The more honest and open and-dare we say it-vulnerable we are with each other as men and women, the more we can work towards healthy relationships and good ministry as the body of Christ.
   
8. Sexuality is more than sex: it is the call to be present to each other in our embodied selves, in non-erotic as well as erotic ways, and seek healthy intimacy in all its forms.
   
9. Yes, men and women can be friends: but the biggest pitfalls of those friendships are gossip (other people speaking untruth into the relationship) sex (an unwillingness to be honest about sexual tension or attraction and deal with it in a healthy way) and fear of the "DTR" (an unwillingness to openly "discuss the relationship" on a regular basis to guard each other's heart and soul).
   

Whew. That was a lot of stuff. But I think I did more reading and researching and discussing in the past three months than I have in the past three years. I had huge checkout lists from the library, borrowed books and ideas from fabulous friends, talked over coffee and the phone with wise, opinionated men and women, and thought and prayed long and hard about all of this. There are still many more questions unanswered, and ways these conclusions will need to be lived out on a daily basis, but I am grateful for the opportunity to challenge my confused preconceptions and reexamine what Scripture says about gender and our roles as men and women in the body of Christ.



Next up: Reflections on the Lauren Winner Conference!

Grandma

If I was a good blogger, I would have immediately posted on Saturday or Sunday about the Learning Conference with Lauren Winner at Quest this weekend. But my life is too full of craziness to be a good blogger. These past couple of weeks have been insane: my grandma has been in the hospital, the market has been crashing repeatedly with no end in sight, and I am in full teaching mode at Quest, both for the Faith & Gender Depth Class and my new C group.

I think if it were merely the church responsibilities, I would be more than fine. Even with the market insanity, I would be okay, because I can (mostly) leave that at work. But with my grandma in the hospital, everything took backseat to the intense anxiety regarding her condition. Last week we were not sure that she would make it to the weekend. I took a Wednesday off work and spent it at the hospital with my mom and grandma, praying as she went into atrial fibrillation that she would make it long enough for my aunt to see her one last time. But my aunt made it here, and despite all odds, my grandma is still with us, just as sassy as ever.

My grandma is an amazing woman. She was an ER nurse for about 40 years, head RN for awhile, and worked well into her seventies. She spent most of her life praying for the salvation of her husband and children, prayers that were finally answered when my grandpa was much older and finally came to God after a series of medical issues (all of her kids were by then believers of Christ). Up until that time, she had taken care of the family almost singlehandedly while my grandpa was a bit of a deadbeat. After he was saved, his Alzheimer's set in, and she continued to work while taking care of him for the next ten years, with the help of her children. He's been gone for a long time now, but I am still amazed at the way she was faithful to him, never wanting to put him into a nursing home or see him as a burden. She is an amazing example of faithfulness, generosity, and love.

I can't imagine not having her for a grandmother, and yet, she is only in my life because of the tragedy of my birth mother's death when I was a toddler. You see, this grandma is my second mom's mom (I'm not a big fan of the "stepmom" term, it's too negative for my purposes). But even though we are not flesh and blood related, I feel closer to her than some of my other family. And this family that I have reminds me that God truly makes all things work together for good.

We don't know how long my grandma has: her myelodysplasia is quickly progressing into leukemia, and while the doctors are no longer talking days to live, they are talking weeks, at best months. But I will be forever grateful for having known and loved and been loved by this amazing woman of God. Her example, her caring, her perspective on life have helped to shape me into who I am. Her advice continually bowls me over with an incredible quiet wisdom, like the time she told me that the question wasn't if a guy was "right for me" but instead if God had called us to walk the same path. That was deep and profound and changed the way I view relationships dramatically. And that is just one example--we have had so many more good conversations, late night talks where I saw her heart for the lost and her love for her Savior.

I wear a ring that my mom gave me many years ago. It is a simple white gold band, made from her grandmother's wedding ring. This is a family heirloom of a family that I was brought into, accepted as being part of no matter the genetic ties. I wear it and I think to myself, blood may be thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood.

ps: I will blog (hopefully soon) on the Lauren Winner conference and my amazing experience of being her chauffeur. Stay tuned!

Drizzle

I am a big fan of fall. The heat goes away, the sweaters some out, hot coffee and tea are abundant. I understand the general aversion to rain, but I actually don't mind it. According to blog Seattlest, that means that I am truly a Seattleite (the fact that I was born here helps too). And I do promote and live the myth that true natives do not own an umbrella.

Yesterday I took advantage of a slow day at work to enjoy my penchant for fall. I walked from my office to Pike Place Market, which is just about five blocks, quite handy, and tooled about the stands, picking up some baby bok choy for dinner. I was wearing my new H&M beret and was consequently given a sample of a French pear from a vendor, who said that I obviously needed French pear wearing such a hat. I continued the theme as I walked around, buying flowers and stopping by Le Panier for a Pain et Chocolat and a cappuccino. I did feel rather chic.

The weather was just right for the excursion: not too warm, but not cold either, with slight sprinkling of rain. No coat needed, just a hat and sweater and a warm cup of espresso and foam. Perfect afternoon.

I know in a few months I will start to dislike the cold and wet as I get drenched on my way to and from the bus stop. But for now, I love the rain, the fresh produce, and my hat. Yay for fall.