If I was a good blogger, I would have immediately posted on Saturday or Sunday about the Learning Conference with Lauren Winner at Quest this weekend. But my life is too full of craziness to be a good blogger. These past couple of weeks have been insane: my grandma has been in the hospital, the market has been crashing repeatedly with no end in sight, and I am in full teaching mode at Quest, both for the Faith & Gender Depth Class and my new C group.
I think if it were merely the church responsibilities, I would be more than fine. Even with the market insanity, I would be okay, because I can (mostly) leave that at work. But with my grandma in the hospital, everything took backseat to the intense anxiety regarding her condition. Last week we were not sure that she would make it to the weekend. I took a Wednesday off work and spent it at the hospital with my mom and grandma, praying as she went into atrial fibrillation that she would make it long enough for my aunt to see her one last time. But my aunt made it here, and despite all odds, my grandma is still with us, just as sassy as ever.
My grandma is an amazing woman. She was an ER nurse for about 40 years, head RN for awhile, and worked well into her seventies. She spent most of her life praying for the salvation of her husband and children, prayers that were finally answered when my grandpa was much older and finally came to God after a series of medical issues (all of her kids were by then believers of Christ). Up until that time, she had taken care of the family almost singlehandedly while my grandpa was a bit of a deadbeat. After he was saved, his Alzheimer's set in, and she continued to work while taking care of him for the next ten years, with the help of her children. He's been gone for a long time now, but I am still amazed at the way she was faithful to him, never wanting to put him into a nursing home or see him as a burden. She is an amazing example of faithfulness, generosity, and love.
I can't imagine not having her for a grandmother, and yet, she is only in my life because of the tragedy of my birth mother's death when I was a toddler. You see, this grandma is my second mom's mom (I'm not a big fan of the "stepmom" term, it's too negative for my purposes). But even though we are not flesh and blood related, I feel closer to her than some of my other family. And this family that I have reminds me that God truly makes all things work together for good.
We don't know how long my grandma has: her myelodysplasia is quickly progressing into leukemia, and while the doctors are no longer talking days to live, they are talking weeks, at best months. But I will be forever grateful for having known and loved and been loved by this amazing woman of God. Her example, her caring, her perspective on life have helped to shape me into who I am. Her advice continually bowls me over with an incredible quiet wisdom, like the time she told me that the question wasn't if a guy was "right for me" but instead if God had called us to walk the same path. That was deep and profound and changed the way I view relationships dramatically. And that is just one example--we have had so many more good conversations, late night talks where I saw her heart for the lost and her love for her Savior.
I wear a ring that my mom gave me many years ago. It is a simple white gold band, made from her grandmother's wedding ring. This is a family heirloom of a family that I was brought into, accepted as being part of no matter the genetic ties. I wear it and I think to myself, blood may be thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood.
ps: I will blog (hopefully soon) on the Lauren Winner conference and my amazing experience of being her chauffeur. Stay tuned!