Pins and Needles

Patience has never been one of my virtues. I am all about efficiency. Additionally, I am a person who desires clarity, stability, and a clear plan.

God likes to challenge these areas of weakness in my life, on a regular basis.

Case in point: moving. I decided a few months ago that I would move out of my parents' home, where I have been living for six years, to join in the adventure of living and/or owning a home with my wonderful friend Melissa. I joined my fate to that of the fabulous Petersen gals and sifted through house listings on ZipRealty and rental properties on craigslist, yahoo, msn, and any other site I could find. After some disappointments and deciding to rent now, buy later, we found what seemed to be a great place north of Greenlake. We applied on a Thursday; the owners said they would let us know the following Wednesday.

I did okay until about Monday. People started to ask if we had heard yet. No, we won't know until Wednesday, I would say. Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, was my constant reply. We're really excited, I would say. Pray for us, we really want this house. I'll let you know as soon as we hear on Wednesday.

Wednesday came. I sat at work with my cell phone next to my laptop, which had my gmail up all day. And I waited. My coworker in the cubicle next to me kept poking her head over, asking if I had heard yet. Not yet, I said. Give it time, I said. All day I waited. Maybe they won't call until after work, I said. Five o'clock came. Six o'clock. I started to wonder if I should email them. Seven o'clock. Nothing. I chatted with Melissa and she said to wait until the morning. Still nothing. I watched a movie. Still no email. My phone rang-it was Rachael, asking if we had heard about the house. No, we haven't heard. I am still on pins and needles.

I went to sleep with no answers.

Thursday morning came. I woke up and the first thing I did was check my email. Four emails. None from the owners of our desired abode. I crafted a light, happy, we-really-want-you-to-rent-to-us email and sent it. Got in the shower. Got out of the shower. Checked email. No word. Went to work. Setup the cell phone and gmail as the day before. Explained to coworker that no, we still had no answer. Reminded myself that a watched pot never boils, and that God must simply be teaching me to relax and rely on Him for my fulfillment. Yelled at God a little internally. Bounced up and down in my chair. Took a walk around the floor to calm down. Repeated to myself, "patience is a virtue. Patience is a virtue. This is good for you." Reasoned out why they were not calling-they had been out of town, were exhausted and busy. Had trouble getting ahold of the credit bureau to see my and Melissa's insanely awesome credit scores. Lost the application. Needed to pray about it more. Were getting a sadistic pleasure out of making me wait.

Oh, no, not that one. That's not reasonable. We are going for reasonable here.

I started to chide myself for being so neurotic as to freak out over a few more hours of waiting. Inbox showed one new email-a sale at Chico's. I don't need any more clothes right now, I need to know if I can move the stuff I have. I started to write this blog, deciding that no matter the outcome, I could at least make fun of my neurosis. Another email: Allrecipes. I don't care about Kevin's teriyaki recipe, I thought, I just want to know if I get to live on Densmore! Drank some tea since I had already had multiple cups of coffee. Researched some stocks. Johnson & Johnson-to buy or not to buy? S&P says buy, I say I want to pay first and last and deposit instead.

My boss finally gets to work and so I end up spending the next hour or two in his office. I wander back to my desk, and there it is-the reply to my email. I open it in breathless anticipation and...

They haven't made a decision.

All of my reasoning is true: they got back late from travels, haven't completed the background check. They will let us know by tomorrow. Afternoon. Ahhhhh!

I email Melissa, explaining that I might implode. I pound out a little frustration on my desk. And I remind myself to breathe. In and out. Not a big deal. Not a no, just a not yet.

Like so many other things in my life.

Perhaps someday I will get over this tendency to freak out and live in stress while waiting for answers. But today, I just know that I will be sleeping on pins and needles again tonight.

Oy vey.