My mind cannot understand, but my heart feels wonder in abundant satisfaction." ~Unknown

I don't remember where I got that quote from but I love it. I've got it up on my wall right now and it perfectly expressed how I was feeling this Thanksgiving. For the past week I have been reflecting on how blessed I am, how wonderful my church is and the people there. Saturday I had the privilege of taking my dad and two of the brothers to serve Thanksgiving dinner with the homeless ministry at Quest. I was standing there, looking out at the cafe, which was full of people talking and eating and experiencing community, and I thought, "this is what church is supposed to be about."

On Thursday, I got to share my family and Thanksgiving dinner with Tina, who has quickly become my best friend at Quest. Actually, she's become one of my best friends, no qualifiers necessary. It was a great time, and I realized anew how awesome my clan is. We're a zany bunch, but not many people can boast the wise, loving parents and fun, crazy brothers I have. As I was laying in bed that night, I recalled how just a few short years ago I had a vision of sitting before God with empty hands, and Him handing me an empty basket, with the promise that He would be filling that basket with blessings. Well, the basket is getting pretty full, and I am grateful. So grateful.

Last night I went to Compline at St. Mark's. It was only my second time, and while I may not agree with St. Mark's or the Episcopal Church in many areas of theology and politics, I greatly enjoy this Sunday night service of Scripture and hymns sung ol-skool Gregorian style.

Frequently in my life, I go to a service wrestling with something, only to find that the chosen verse or song exactly addresses my issue. Perfectly apropos, the Psalm last night was Psalm 16, which has been a kind of theme for my life the past year. For your reading pleasure:

Psalm 16
Keep me safe, O God,
for in you I take refuge.
I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord;
apart from you I have no good thing."
As for the saints who are in the land,
they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight.
The sorrows of those will increase
who run after other gods.
I will not pour out their libations of blood
or take up their names on my lips.
LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.


I have been blessed with so many good changes in my life the last couple of years, yet there are still areas of struggle, things I want, things I don't want. As a friend recently said, "when we overcome something that allows us to realize something else that needs lots of work" and this year has been like that for me. I try to walk that fine line between contentment and ambition, submitting my desires to God, but also clinging to the verse that says He will give us the desires of our hearts, and trying to understand exactly what that means. I put a quote up on my wall a couple of months ago, I think it is from Blue Like Jazz: "he who has God and everything else has no more that he who just has God." I can say that I wholeheartedly believe that statement, but living it out in my daily, worrying life can be more difficult.

The line that reads "I said to the LORD, 'You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.'" has become my mantra. This has been my weapon against discouragement, my strength when I am going for something and when I am letting something go. It brings some perspective when I get so focused on something that I forget to see the big picture. God's plan for my life is so much bigger and greater than I could ever imagine, but even if I never receive any of the blessings He has stored up for me, just the truth of His love for me is enough. The fact that He will never leave me or forsake me, no matter what anyone else does, is enough to keep me going. I may not always be happy about my circumstances, but I am blessed beyond comprehension because I am living in the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ.

So this week was Social Justice Tradition week at C group. It was also election week, which we thought was quite apropos. We had a great discussion last Tuesday about welfare and justice and equality, all coming after a great set of sermons around faith and race. Funny thing is, I went to C group, and had great discussion, but I didn't vote.

Yep, that's right. I forfeited my rights as a citizen. I gave in to apathy and frustration and didn't plan ahead by getting an absentee ballot. I decided not to vote for the lesser of two evils. I allowed the political process to pass me by, railroad my personal views, and now I get to pay for it for another couple of years.

Sadly, I'm not that disturbed by it. Perhaps I have given up on politics, or more precisely, on politicians. I just don't hear of candidates that I can support wholeheartedly. I would rather not vote than vote for someone or something I don't believe in.

I've gone through many incarnations of my political self. I used to be your typical right-wing evangelical Christian, hopefully not as fanatical as some, but with definite fundamentalist leanings. I've grown up a lot these past few years, learned that life is, fortunately and unfortunately, not black and white, and the gray can be a hard and beautiful thing. But this makes my political positions rather unstable right now. Perhaps my unwillingness to choose a candidate is a symptom of my own insecurity. I'm still thinking and praying and wrestling through what I believe about issues like welfare and the environment and how we figure our way out of war and into peace when there are people who don't have a conviction problem flying themselves into buildings.

I'm hoping that by the time 2008 elections roll around, I will have had time to wrestle with these things. Time to draw conclusions. Time to sign up for that absentee ballot. And I'll hopefully fill that ballot out with a clear conscience, and the belief that my small voice is making a difference in this messed up political world of ours.

One of the reasons I started this blog was to comment on my C group experiences. This year I have the privilege of co-leading the Renovare group in Greenlake. We are studying the different spiritual traditions of Christianity in order to learn more about Christ and challenge our own personal religious comfort zones.

This week we have been studying the Charismatic Tradition of the church. Now, I have always considered myself very charismatic in my spiritual practice--I grew up in a church denomination that grew out of the Pentecostal revivals and I'm probably one of the most demonstrative people in worship at Quest (you may have seen me dancing around on stage). But I have realized this week how little I actually seek after and listen to the Holy Spirit in my daily life. Yes, I make a big show of it on Sundays, but when the rubber hits the road, I go about my day never stopping to ask the Lord to guide me. I make my own decisions, lead my own life, never submit at all.

This is a humbling realization. As much as I say I love God and am following Him, does my life really reflect my desire to be led by the Spirit of God? Not really.

A few years ago, I would have been completely depressed by this discovery. I have always seen the process of sanctification as something I had to do, that holiness had to be earned. But in the last couple of years I have learned that God is the only one who can change me. I don't have the strength to change myself. So my prayer this week is that God would be speaking to me, even when I have trouble listening, that His song would be over my life, and that he would train my ear to hear His tune.

I have to admit, I love surveys, personality tests, funny sets of random questions, you name it. Love reading them, love answering them. So I can't resist posting the following survey, from my good friend Johnny 5, who can always be counted on to provide a funny survey.

Who was the last person ....

1. You hung out with? Besides the fam? my C group

2. Rode in a car with? Matt Schaar

3. Went to the movies with? Don't remember...I think I went by myself.

4. Went to the mall with? Tenae. Just like old times.

5. You talked on the phone to? I talk to people on the phone all day at work.

6. Made you laugh? My dad

7.Last person you told and/or they told you they loved you? ummm...my brother. He helped me defrost my car.

W O U L D . Y O U . R A T H E R?

1. Pierce your nose or tongue? Neither

2. Be serious or be funny? I like to be funny, but seriousness is useful too

3. Drink whole or skim milk? 1%

4. Die in a fire or get shot? Shot, for sure. Burning to death does not sound fun

5. Spend time with your parents or enemies? I love my parents. They're awesome.

A N S W E R. T R U T H F U L L Y...

1. Do you like anyone? I like lots of people. Oh, you meant in that certain romantic sense....if you don't know already, I'm not telling you.

2. Sun or moon? Both have their appeal.

3. Winter or Fall? Fall

4. left or right? Why?

5. 10 acquaintances or two best friends? I've lived for most of my life with the 2 best friends situation, and I wouldn't trade those relationships for all the acquaintances in the world.

6. Sunny or rainy? While the sun is lovely, I actually like the rain...good thing I live in Seattle

7. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? triple chocolate

A B O U T . Y O U...

1. What time is it? downtime

2. First Name?: Rebecca (although I have been called other things)

3. Where do you wanna live? Seattle, preferably in the Queen Anne/Ballard/Fremont/Wallingford area

4. How many kids do you want? 3-5

5. Do you want to get married? definitely...I want those kids, remember?

6. Current mood? glad to be home after a weird day.

IN . THE. LAST. 48 HOURS. HAVE. YOU...

1. Sang? I am always singing

2. been hugged? yep

3. Felt stupid? unfortunately

4. Missed someone? yes

5. Danced Crazy? Not in the last 48 hours, but recently

6. Gotten your hair cut? no

7. Cried? no

8. Lied? I hope not

So, there you go. A little fun cross-section of things about me. I'd love to hear from you.