Recipe for a Good Vacation

I've taken a few trips to see my best friends. For some reason they feel it necessary to travel the globe in search of advanced degrees and/or job opportunities. Thanks to my friends, I have been to New York, London, Scotland, Paris, Philadelphia, Florida, and, um, Denver. And now I have taken my second trip to the islands of Hawaii to see my long time (18 years and still going strong) best friend Tenae.

Now I will admit that as much as I love Tenae, some of the trips to see her have been, well, mixed. Some times she had to work a lot. Other times (okay, most times) I was too stressed at the start of the trip to actually relax enough to enjoy it. And I will go down on record saying that I do not like Florida, at least not the northern part.

But this trip was AMAZING. Yes, worthy of the all-caps description. Granted, she had to work the first two days, but the first day it was late enough in the morning for me to be able to sleep in and then head to town with her, spending my day shopping and walking around the beach (which was across the street from the mall). And the second day, when she had to work early, I slept in and then lounged by the pool for several hours. I achieved such a level of relaxation that I even got a little sunburnt.

(See, at my old job at LUBI, going on vacation meant that you had twice as much to do before your trip (in order to prepare your staff for your absence) and twice as much work when you got back (in order to clean up the mess they had made despite the effort you made before leaving). Because of this, I could never really unwind, being so stressed before I arrived that I couldn't quite make it past "normal" to "relaxed.")

Anyway, that night we left for the Big Island with Tenae's roommate Tina and our politician-manservant Joseph. Joe is the perfect traveling companion for a group of girls-he opens doors, pumps gas, and brings you coffee in bed. Seriously. We call him the politician because he is good at making new friends in unfamiliar places, walking up to strangers and making them love him. And he can dance. These are just some of the reasons why from time to time you could hear one (or all) of us yell out to Hilo, "Vote for Joe!"

While on the Big Island, we saw some incredible sights. Black sand beaches, a green sand beach (accessible only by a four-wheel-drive "road" that Tenae showed who's boss), volcanoes spewing hot lava into the ocean, lava tubes, waterfalls, and to top it all off, snow. We had a ton of fun playing tunes off of the iPod and trading in our beat up jeep for a new one, turning off all the lights in the lava cave and experiencing true darkness, and enjoying some impromptu swing-dancing at the jazz club (if only the waitress had been a bit more attentive to the fact that we wanted to eat before we had to leave for the airport).

When we got back, Tenae had another day off, so we went hiking and conquered a rather steep ridge that gave us an amazing view of the island coastline. Despite a minor disappointment that the tea shop we headed for afterwards was closed, we enjoyed the rest of our afternoon, eating some more good food and heading up to the North Shore to watch the sun set.

The morning of my departure, I told Tenae that this had to be one of the best trips I had ever taken to visit her. I was able to relax, her days off worked perfectly for our plans, we saw beautiful sights, and enjoyed good conversations. Best of all, our friendship is stronger than ever, because as we both allow God to work on us, He brings us closer together in our friendship and shared faith.

So while she and her fantastic roommate might be leaving the beautiful islands and heading for the east coast, I will look forward to my next trip to see her. Even though it will be to North Carolina.

The Politician-Manservant

I Told You

I told you.

So many times
So many ways

When I was leaving and couldn't
go without seeing
your face
touching
your arm
meeting
your eyes

Didn't you read it there?
The sonnet I had written
dedicated to you
perhaps it was too small
my fields of hazel
are not wide and innocent

But didn't you hear?
the catch in my voice
I tried to make my goodbye
Cheerful
unaffected
When I was crying

Perhaps my acting was too good

But I was sure you would know
Thought my heart was obvious
always dancing on my sleeve

Thought the tears would show
not stay bottled
lined up perfectly
on the shelves of my soul

How could you not know?

I told you

So many nights like this
Hellos and goodbyes
Each one a telling

Were you not listening?
Should I have shouted?
Given up my attempts to remain calm?

I held it in until I felt I would implode

Should I have let it go?

Perhaps I should let you go

Because I told you

and you didn't want to hear it

This is a rough first draft, but it came all at once, after thinking a bit on someone's comment that girls are not as obvious in our romantic "signals" as we think we are. I find that my poetry is better read, or performed. When I write, I imagine someone speaking the words to me, but I'm not skilled enough to communicate the tone and inflection perfectly.
I think in the end, I am more of a screenwriter, always thinking about how the scene would be acted, how I would read each line, the facial expressions that would go along with it. Maybe someday I will attempt to write a play. But we'll work on the poetry and short stories first.

Sigh...

Okay, here we go. Disclaimer: this is going to be an extremely honest, and perhaps slightly vulnerable post. Be kind.


Pastor Eugene wrote a blog post this week on guys and dating at Quest. I have now officially been given the classification of "QSW"-Quest Single Woman. In this post, he relates a joke from a friend of mine at Quest about the lack of, shall we say, prospects at Quest. He also calls on the QSM (Quest Single Man) population to step up their game.

Now, I don't think that all the cute guys at Quest are visitors, as the joke went. On the contrary, I think that there are plenty of cute QSMs. I find many of them attractive in myriad ways. As a matter of fact, there are very few guys at Quest that I wouldn't date.

But I understand the sentiment behind the joke. In my two and a half years at Quest, I have NEVER been asked out. And just this past week I have had more than one conversation with other QSW friends who have expressed the same frustration, to the point where one friend called the situation "hopeless".

Somehow I think in our determination to not be like the church across the bridge, we have missed the truth that it is perfectly reasonable to date people at church as long as we do it with honesty, integrity, and character. No, church should not be a meet market, but where better to find people that share your values then at the church you call home?

There has been quite the discussion on PE's post. I would like to answer a couple of comments, if I may. One guy asked about girls initiating, asking guys out instead of expecting the guys to do all the work. While I can understand that question, allow me to share my personal feelings on this.

There are times I have come close to asking a guy out. I have liked guys and known that they were oblivious and thought that perhaps, if I made a move, they would see the light and we would go from there. I mean, I would make a kickass girlfriend. Seriously, I don't say that lightly. I have my issues, my faults and my baggage, but I also seek honesty and openness in relationship, and I love to have fun. I know that we are all broken people but we can find beauty in accepting each other as we are and finding the unique ways that God has created us.

But I've also been told that I am intimidating, and that this is why guys don't ask me out. I don't really know why I am intimidating-I am not the most beautiful, or the most intelligent, or the most accomplished girl at Quest. Perhaps it is because I lead things-C group, ministry, worship. Perhaps it is because I am...well...not petite. But I would really really really love it if a guy would want me enough to get over my intimidation factor and pursue me. That's my own personal relationship need. Otherwise, I guess I would always feel that I had to convince the guy, or perhaps intimidate him, into liking me. I don't want that. I want to be wanted.

I'm not saying every girl is like that, although a lot of girls I talk to do desire to be pursued. Perhaps it is just how we are wired. But there are other girls I know at Quest that would be willing to ask a guy out, if they thought that he was actually interested in dating someone.

Another issue I see is that we all have some skewed view of what we want, who the perfect person is for us. We imagine a certain look, a certain personality, whatever it may be. And when we meet someone new, we compare them to our supposed ideal or "perfect match" and when they don't measure up to the fantasy, we write them off. But I once met a guy who seemed to be the exact "ideal guy" I had imagined in college. And you know what? He was completely wrong for me. I've since learned to be more open to possibilities, open to take a chance on someone I might not have considered before, but who could turn out to be an amazing friend and/or partner in life.

But so far, no one has wanted to take that chance on me.

So to all the QSMs, this QSW (and most of my friends) would give you a chance, if you would take a chance on us. I can't guarantee it will work out, and maybe at times it will be hard or awkward. But I hope you would find us worth the risk.